friendship and gratitude at the center
lessons from my one year in Kamikatsu
Hello reader, thanks for being here! I’m Kana and this is Tending Gardens, which you can read about here. If you like it and want more like it in your inbox, consider subscribing.
Hi humans, another week has come and gone—if it weren’t for Sunday’s marking my newsletters, I think this month, like most of 2021, would feel like one blurry memory. I’m grateful for these weekly check-in’s that have a sort ‘pausing’ quality.
Last week I had this daring thought that I’d review my one year in Kamikatsu. I say daring because I realized at several points this week that condensing all my thoughts about an entire year into one post would take a long time to write (and for you to read). I don’t want to bore you or let your coffee get cold in that process.
Instead, I’ve decided to reflect on different things this one year has taught me. If it wasn’t a give away from the title, this is a reflection on friendship—and the unexpected friendship I found with Linda. Looking down the set of questions, by Mari Andrew, that were the springboard for my reflection this week. One of the questions that stood out was, “who in my life is nourishing to be around?”
I’m not sure how many times Linda’s name has come up in my newsletters, but if you knew us in person you would know we’re pretty much a unit. Where I am, Linda is, where Linda goes, I’m alongside her.
It’s funny because some people have thought that we’re in a relationship, but I’m not bothered by it. In a world conditioned to think that significant others/partners are at the center of the world, it’s not unsurprising that when people see our bond they can only assume… but placing a friendship at the center of my life has been such a gift (and a huge lesson).
There’s no good “title” for such a special friendship. There’s an overrated tackiness to “best friend”, though Linda and I have joked about getting the middle school necklaces with a half a heart saying “best” and the other half saying “friend”. Linda always jokes she would definitely get the “best” half.
I think the term ‘my person’ has been something we’ve settled on. ‘You’re my person’ is reference to a term coined over a decade ago on a medical drama called Grey’s Anatomy. The term describes the deep bond between Cristina Yang and Meredith Grey. By the way, Linda and I both watched Grey’s Anatomy for the first time together and when we saw Cristina and Meredith’s friendship it was easy to be like ‘oh, that’s is it—this is us!’
My sister is also ‘my person’. I love that ‘my person’ applicable to anyone and doesn’t come with preconceived notions or roles. My sister is family but she’s also ‘my person’ who continously shows me unconditional love and has helped me grow in difficult moments.
Linda and I also have different love languages and different personalities. I’m hesitant to readily open myself up and I can also be a private person. It may sound counterintuitive writing a blog about my feelings, but I can be guarded in how and what I share. I sometimes think of myself as a turtle, often hiding away in a shell and retreating to a place where it’s just me. If I’m a turtle then Linda is the [insert an animal that is burst of love and energy]. She’s fosters relationships through quality time and words of affirmation. She’s the kind of person that wears her love on her sleeves and envelops others in that light.
Whenever anyone asks me, “why are you in Kamikatsu?” my very short answer is: goen ご縁, which means fate. My mom also used the Cantonese word for fate, yuanfen 緣分, growing up. So it’s often how I think a a lot of my life events fell into place: fate. But if I give a more detailed explanation for why I’m actually in Kamikatsu, my story always starts with Linda. She has been the seed for finding and building a sense of home and community in Kamikatsu.
I think that in adulthood, friendships become more complex but it can also be so much more meaningful. As adults we don’t have the luxury of having the same routines as our friends like we did in school. Do you think that adult friendships looks like this?
Friendships take an immense amount of effort and time—but that shouldn’t be seen as a burden but as an investment. I’ve learned that there are ripple effects from centering your life with healthy and nourishing friendships. I feel an immense amount of joy and support that propels me to be my best self. I think it’s time we re-define what loving can look like because there is so much to be learned from expanding the possible roles that friends can have in our lives.
updates from Kamikatsu
Temperatures dropping rapidly and autumn is in full-swing. No more lingering reminatns of summer but cool air that lingers morning to night. The sun goes down early and I’ve pulled out my box of sweaters and wool socks.
Linda and I (both Canadian!) celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving in Kamikatsu on Monday (October 11). We gathered friends and members of our Kamikatsu and Tokushima community and hosted dinner. We even connected with another Canadian living in Tokushima—making it 3 Canadians in Kamikatsu (probably the most at any given time). Our Thanksgiving evening was so special. I (proudly!) managed to cook the entire meal for a group of almost 20 people. We had duck and all the side-dish classics. We also had apple crumble, pumpkin pie and mulled wine.
Terumi, owner of Cafe polestar, wrote a beautiful article (only in Japanese) about her experience with Thanksgiving, a concept that’s quite foreigner for Japanese.
It had been a while since we had such a gathering because of the pandemic. Seeing everyone sit down and eat together was a gift. Even my cousin from Japan came to visit me for a week and could join us. The best moment of the night was going around the table and each person saying what they are grateful for. Despite the initial embarrassment many people felt, it felt so wonderful to see everyone verbalize and express their gratitude. Perhaps something we don’t do enough is say ‘thank you’ to the people we are most thankful for.
Last Linda and I thing: we were recently featured in Kamikatsu’s website sharing our experience as newcomers in the village (only available in Japanese). Check it out!
I wish you peace and joy this week ahead.
I wish that the week doesn’t speed by in a blur, but that there are moments of pausing and reflecting. Take stock of the people and things you are grateful for in your life—and share it with others. A little love goes a long way.
Take care,
Kana
I’d love for you to think of me as your penpal—sharing a note from a tiny village in Japan. With Tending Gardens, I want to bring you a small joy in the form of a newsletter. If you like it and want more like it in your inbox, consider subscribing.
LOVE this reflection of friendship, love, joy, and gratitude! What a great way to put together so many feelings from the last year!